Sstttss The Real Feeling

Okay, this is the real what I feel, when I'm thinking about a baby.

Dear my son,

Thoulsand times, I am always jealous with woman who get pregnant. I ever think I want pregnant without make love or a man. But that's imposible.

Do you know what I feel, when I know my cousins, my friends or other women pregnant, I'm so happy and sad in the same time. What's they feeling when they know, they are pregnant, happy or sad or both?

Dear my future son, I'm afraid to marriage because I look many failures marriages, including my friends (the artist isn't weird anymore, lol). They just try to get sensation, maybe! Plus the bad economic, I look with my owe eyes, the parents can't buy milk to their son. That's so poor. I don't want you born with the bad condition like that.

I'm trying to get good job as well as, but round life always spin up and down. My economic also bad, I am afraid to look my future if I don't have job with good position and good future.

About man? Mmmmm son, I don't know and honest sometimes I miss to find someone who will love me as the way I am. I can't cook, I don't like cleaning even I do it to save money when I haven't job. But when marriage the condition will be different, to much pressure, to much anything problems.

Dear my future son, do you know. I ever have imagination to adobt kid if I can't be pregnant and adobt don't need man to be your daddy, just betwen you and me. I will care of you, making you grow with good morals and good attitude. Then you will do same with me, when I'm old.

Dear my future son, don't you think I really want you from the bottom of my heart. Even just one kid, I really want to know the feeling to be mum. Although I don't know how to be good mum, because don't have school for being mum.

Have many school to grade the level education but none of school to be good mum. When I see movie about a baby, do you know what I'm thinking? I want you so badly, how is feel have you inside me?

I have many plans for your futures, I want you can play music, specially piano. Because my fingers is bad to short can't touch the keybord piano. I want you wear good dresses, give you good food healthy, plus I will not allow you eat chocolate to much. Because of that my tooth broken and I feel so bad till this time but time can't get to the pass.

I want you learn english, spanyol, rusia, franch, china, japan. Maybe one day you can travel to that place, because that's my dream. I will make you success that's why since beggin I do make plan for you. I'm not selfish. I will allow you choose your college. Especially the mayor you want to be. Because that's you are! Your ambisiton is my ambisiton too, I don't wanna be selfish to say NO if that's good for you.

But I will say NO if you make mistake. But people learn from mistake, that's why I will give you the best advice as the way I am as your best mother, friend too. My future son, can I be mum? Do you think I deserve to have magic time.

Mmmm many plans on my mind but I want you so badly, if God answer me to find someone who love me as the way I am. I don't know who will be your daddy. Because your mum is queen ice, can't be easy fall in love, like others your mum friends. Ah son, you will understand one day.

Your lovely future mum

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