Getting Fever :(

Dear diary, the weather in Jakarta is not nice, after a few weeks the hot is hitting the Jakarta and now cloudy without rain and sometimes raining heavy. Making my body is getting drop, the condition my body is not to strong and fit. So here I am, I got fever last night and headache. I hate when I feel sick alone and nobody around me to help me, what I want it.

After going home from cake cafe for 5 hours to learn how to make my sister website Dwiratravel and tomorrow to update Dwirafashion. I feel my body is warm and more warm, then I realize I am getting sick, fever. I won't eat dinner but my stomach said other words. I should eat, so I decided buy fried rice extra spicy, but I felt disappointed because the spicy was not like what I expected.

That is remind me, sometimes what we want never be true and always mess then what we expected and that is life. My life and maybe my reader life too, am I right? Dear diary, I am so sad and hurt in here (touch my heart), I was crying hour and hour making my eyes red and the tears never stop to out. I hate it. I hate when I feel blue.

Dear diary, I don't know what happened with me, why I become so sensitive and maybe little introvert too.
I want hiding from the world. I remember the last book I read about "Amazing Grace" Maybe one day I will make review of that book, because I love the story and make me motivation to do somewhat different.

ABC, Scotty, Little Scott had new name for me ABC (Always Busy Citra) hahaha funny. Am I? I am busy woman, am not I? Hahahaha maybe because almost a month we seldom shared anything, I am so lucky we already make friendship almost two years and one single words he never hurt me :) but I hate when he tease me a lot hahahaha,

When I am writing you diary, I am listening the song Cry on My Shoulder. This song so touch and the lyric really hit me and yesterday my best friend said If I close to you, I will never let you sad. When I shared this lyric yesterday in his BBM. He said is song the happiness song or sad song? Then I said depend on, after that I shared the poetry.

In morning time, I am still making tears blow out again, it never dry and I want it become desert so no more tears. This is my big problems, why this few weeks I become so sensitive, I want hiding from anything. I am feeling tired, tired with my mind, tired with alive  Ah sometimes I like feel like that, Ah I know the case coz of this almost 2014 end. That is why, many flashback come and make my day become blue. Can you remove this circle every year always become "ghost"?

Dear diary, I am strong woman, that is the last words before Martin stop contact with me, when I was telling him I got new job and the location to get there need more than 1 hours and I always wake up around 4 AM every day, the last of my job when he still visit me, I was working as temporary secretary in one of PD in Kota Tua. The office hour star around 9.30 till 05.30 and from home I can around 7.20 but for the new one from home around 6.

Dear  diary, why all my plan get messy and why I never find the happy ending in my life. Until when the happy ending story can be real. This just 44 days again before the end of this year. God, please help me to find what I am searching in my life and also make my faith more stronger than this time. I am sorry if I feel empty when I pray and something is hit my life so bad. But I realize, whatever life is coming to my life, You have wonderful plan for me in the end. I just should patient to pass the problems which hit me every time.

I am not motivator but I wish one day I can be motivator for children or teen about my journal life. How it make me strong and stronger every time the problems come without break the Rule and MORAL. Maybe this way, God want me to learn before I become this way, many people around me who I don't know who they are but maybe their life are more worse then me but they still keep smile. If Tearing is killing me how I can be motivator to give spirit to the people.

Life is so fantastic but that is not mean if you get blue you can't tears, sad but don't the sadness kill your soul and your spirit. Citra, wake up and look, the days will different like you take one by one tissue to remove your tears. Your day and life will amazing one day :) The dreams will be come true when I KEEP FIGHT to RISE WHAT IT BELONG to ME :)