Better Feeling and Better Mind

Dear diary, can I say I am so happy finally Bandung part almost done, just less map. I wish this person will like that and enjoy to read that article. So today I will continue Yogyakarta, Malang, Lombok and Bali, just special bonus Bromo. O.K Citra you can do it :)

Today, Jakarta is raining again. Heavy raining and make me feel little lazy and hiding in blanket and just wake up a few minutes ago and turn laptop and music. Before continue to writing Yogyakarta. I just finish the first page for Yogyakarta, but Yogyakarta little complicated too like Bali and Lombok which don't have many public transportation. But, keep spirit and make this book worth it to get buy and read. Actually more simple make novel hahahah then make backpacker book. But this is just first complicated and I will get easy. Next time I should plan more detail and need long time to stay in one place which I want to make it.

Dear diary, although my feeling in a few days is not good but I am glad I can pass day by day with little spirit event the "hope" already gone. I don't know why, that is difficult to explain. But I am not broken heart hahaha because I don't have somewhat which can make it broken. Just get little mess plan to finish this book before February.

Ah a few days will be February and you know I hate when valentine day. Ah when I can go romantic dinner again? Ah if my heart is like computer I can format and deleted all data that is much better hahahahaha. But my heart is not computer so it can't be deleted. I miss my mum food. I wish I can eat my favorite cake. Dear diary, I want to tell you something. We can't forget the pass but we still remind it although we don't want but better pretended nothing happened and we just live in the judge. So nobody will notice it.

Dear diary, I am so happy when I get good news a few days ago, another cousin get pregnant. Wow, they are lucky and I wish it can be me one day. Let's find someone who will love me as the way I am and also respect me like human not robot who don't have feeling. I just need someone who care me, ask me I am O.K and make good communication two ways. Because sometimes I am tired to keep in touch. Sometimes I miss my best friend, Little S, but my best friend busy with the study and my best friend work hard to get good mark to graduate next year maybe or other years. Keep spirit my friends.

Dear diary, I realize every body has problem in their life. Like one of my old friend, Toni. After his mum
death and many problems follow him. The last time, he contact me and tell me he got accident and his ex wife won't see his face to scary maybe. Poor Toni, keep spirit my friend, we are same but different problem around us. Just take a breath and look the sky that is dark and it will change to be blue one day. After raining gone and maybe it will fast and sometimes slow. But just get hope everything will be in our hands. Another complicated life, life like robot and afraid to change the life. But Meri said she wants make new plan in her life. I wish she knows which better for her.

How about me? dear diary, what is about me? I don't know but I hope this year better then others pass years. Do you still remember why I like sea in the night in Bali? Because the beach is like my own. I can freedom look the biggest sea in front of me and the waves which running to be the first to get in the land. But none to be the winner but they keep doing and doing it all over because it so fun. Like my life, whatever I am running to escape but I always find other problems but that is making me "fun" to understand about life.

If I don't have "friends" anymore who care about me, I believe many new friends I will find it or they will find it. Just don't be afraid to believing. Like a woman from France who traveling a half year around Asia alone, she find something magic and she is happy what she done in her life. I want to be this woman too, although I can't do in physical but I will do in my soul. Whatever and where ever I stay, I will stay strong and smile and heavy cross in my shoulder I will never ever give up. Just give me a reason why I should give up?

I want to rise my dreams, I want get good and wonderful life in both side. Yea, dear diary, if some friends ask me to stop dreaming, they should give me a reason why should I? But this time, I collect my spirits to make me strong and smile. I know life is not easy, including making communication with friends sometimes we make mistake without we realize. Maybe they also do mistake but they won't honest about what they feel. So here am I, I don't care if they are change to be feeling cold and won't keep in touch. But I will pretended don't know anything. Maybe this someone has problem in the life and don't know how to shared it, to much pain maybe for this person to be honest about the feeling and make it become frozen.

Sometimes we need crying. Dear diary I want to tell you one secret. When I back from Bali to Banyuwangi. Suddenly I get hurt with someone said something make me realize. It couldn't be happened and see that was nothing happened. My hope to much. I need space to crying. So, I rent one room and crying all night till my eyes getting hurt and tired of tears, I fall asleep and I just sleep an hour and long journey to back to Yogyakarta for one night before continue back to Jakarta.

Dear diary when you look a room I rent for crying a few hours, this place so uncomfortable, no fan and dirty but at least I can hiding my self from public which will see me crying, that was so embarrassing myself. So the point is don't worry if you need space to crying although you don't have shoulder to say everything will be alright. But crying will make you feel better.

Dear diary in some article I read, when you feel so sad and hear sad song that is very helpful to make you feel better. So don't worry to open your mind and feeling for yourself then leave it, the sadness behind you and look in front of you. There is still many level you should pass to get stronger and success. Whoever you are sometimes crying is better to explore your weakness to find your stronger. So depression will gone. But remember, don't kill yourself, that is loser who do it, if this level you can't handle how if you find the biggest level which more difficult and complicated.

Dear diary, the journey make me more stronger and my feeling almost better every day I remember the small space room to make me cry all night :) That is long journey in 2014 and this 2015 is more longer but I do expected the happiness in this year and I believe I will find the happiness although if my happiness in midden (scrap heap). I will find it and you too. Dear diary, I just one shared this secret to you, to help people who think their life so complicated and no way out to their problems and then do silly thing. Kill their self. So silly, come on, life so beautiful. Although to know what is beautiful you should know the antonym from the beautiful meaning :)

Keep spirit and let's explore your feeling and get better after that :)