Let's Me Freedom

Dear diary,I am so happy, Bandung part always finish. I don't realize making traveling book need a lot of energy to make it finish. Plus need time, I think I can finish it as soon as possible but that is not true. Plus, sometimes I feel sad and lazy and also some complicated mind. Let's me freedom from the negative mind inside my heart.

Dear diary, if I can honest, I am so sad so badly this time. After my mum called me this morning. Can I be sad and upset in the same time? But I know she just wants the best for me. She always push me to get serious relationship and marriage as soon as possible. She never give up to make my day worse with her advice all the time. Let's me freedom. I know what I want and feel so badly but what can I do? I just simple woman with big dream.

Let's me cry for the moment, why this time it so pain and worse then pass year she asked me to find good man and make serious relationship. But I never lucky in hole my life maybe. I can say I am lucky have many good people around me. But I am not lucky to make serious relationship to many pain and painful make me weakness and strong in the same time.

Dear diary, what should I say to my parents? I also want to make them happy and also want to make myself happy. But I don't know; I don't have desire and I just hope asap someone will marriage me soon and it should has contain of love, hope, responsible, commitment, work-hard to make the relationship become strong and strong. Good communication in the two direction. Someone who will ask me am I o.k? someone who will say I love you without words every body but with the action. I will do same to him. I don't need charming prince like in fairy tale. I don't need white horse to make fairy tale become real life.

I know real life is suck sometimes but also wonderful in the same time. I know life is not white and black
but many color in deed. Let's me freedom to make my wonderful world and it just not dream. I also has desire to build my "snowman" world together with my soul mate. Making our dream and desire together, understanding each other, needing each other like I need chocolate and ice cream when I feel so sad and stressful. Making me smile when I sad, I do same too. Because build our new world together; it should remove the selfish self, arrogant.

Dear diary, I am not kid anymore. I know build relationship in marriage is not easy like fairy tale just ending after marriage. But the real life will more complicated indeed. But together and know each other it will make bad years pass become wonderful years. Life is up and down, including marriage relationship but it depend on us to settle and handle it with love, caring and understanding. If I am mad just listen to me without say any words which make the small fire become big, including you when you are mad, I just listen your words. Then introspection our self, what we do are wrong or right. Don't let make bad things long time in mind and soul. Let's make them free before sunset. Then make the new day with smiling and forget the bad time on yesterday.

Dear diary, do you think am I ready to marriage? Sometimes I am thinking I am ready but sometimes I am thinking I am not ready. How if I make mess because I don't know anything. I can't do woman stuff like cook or housewife stuff. That is why the reason I am still keep single. Because I am not perfect woman to do woman stuff. I just know my desire but I also do learn about woman stuff but sometimes to clean anything it is not perfect to clean. Messy every where and I know I should change the bad things which already my habit but sometimes easy to say but difficult to do. But about kitchen stuff, I know little bit about make yummy dessert because I love eat sweet food, I also can cook simple food. But for cleaning I am still worse house keeper lol, because I don't like to do that.

Dear diary when I remember my words long time ago, sometimes that is making me laugh. Do I really say like that. Ah, I can't shared here. But I know you already know what I feel and what the contain I mean here. Dear diary, go green is good to do but sometimes I don't realize if it is important to write and post in public. But this is just my diary blog. The way I am thinking, the way what I am feeling in time, the way I am dreaming about future, the way make me feel freedom. Ah, I am so lucky I still have my diary as my journal life. Sometimes when I read in the past post make me laugh. Do I really has mind and crazy ideas like that.

Life is contain happiness, painful, treason, friendship, tears, smiling, freedom, jail, good-bad; and many things which make you realize you are living in real life not in fairy tale. But it doesn't mean you will give up when bad things happened in time to time. Because after that you can see the blue sky with the bright sun and wonderful sea surrounded you.

Let's me freedom; freedom from the negative mind; freedom from the broken heart because my dream get "little mess"; freedom to find my soul mate who will meet me soon; freedom to know him better and better every day with good communication; freedom to say you are my angel who give my lost wing and you set me free. In this time I can't fly so high with one wing when I have two wings I can fly so far and feel so freedom without many bad words surrounded my parents because their daughter still single, which this words always make pain in their heart and always push me to marriage soon and make them happy because I do find my soulmate.

Dear diary, when my fairy tale story will get the end of the marriage and then open new book after marriage? I know you can't answer me neither me can;t answer but my hope say it as soon as possible if someone has dare to say proposal in good way and I will never forget it. I wish before this year end, because I want have one cute baby girl or boy. Whatever my baby sex I will love it so badly, like I will love my angel who set me free from many "devils" surrounded me and my parents always give bad words to them and make me feel sad and upset in the same time.