Still Nightmare | RIP Papa

June, 27 2015 in evening time was the nightmare for me. I really didn't believe it at all. Mama said papa was come and a few minutes my brother sent me text papa pass away.

07.00 am Papa called me and said Happy Sabbath and remind me don't forget to go to church. Papa said papa was so tired and as usual he woke up around 04.00 and read Bible. His voice same although I found the tiring voice. we talk a bit.

12.00 pm Mama called me and talking many things and I am still feeling happy in that time. We talk about future.

02.00 pm Mama called me and still talking but the most mama little busy to service papa food and etc.

04.00 pm Mama called and mama still busy with papa

Then................................. BAD NEWS COME TO MY LIFE.

I am so shock and I don't believe it, papa said a few days before the day his pass away, He wants back to work again in Balikpapan as camp boss but it never happened. I can't sleep at that day. Although I am trying to sleep but my eyes can't close. I am so weakness and sadness. Many families called me and ask about that news but it's true. From papa relative family and mama relative family, most of them called me. My tears never stop out from my eyes.

That IS BLUE FEELING I EVER GOT IT IN MY LIFE........ I can't try to sleep and my eyes are open like i am drinking coffee but that is not true. I am not drinking coffee and eating all day. My body is so weakness since on Friday, I don't have passion and desire to eat or do anything. But That is my feeling connecting to papa. Papa................ ouh Papa I don't believe it.

My mind blank, I am so sick inside my heart. Oh God why you take papa so fast that is what I am thinking in the flight. I am shock and I still not believe it at all.

Tanjungpinang, June 28, 2015.

I found papa sleep without moving. Mama is crying and also some my bro-sis. That is real and it is not dream. No words came out on my mount. I just saw papa sleep without breath and he is smiling in her long sleep. I know this time, I can't see and hear papa voice anymore. No more teasing, advice and remind me. Papa why you so fast leave me alone here. No one support me anymore. Papa, I don't believe you already pass away. I think you will live and see me marriage and waiting me give you a grandchild. Papa, I never forget about you.

Tanjungpinang, August, 2014

Suddenly my cellular broken and you give me money to buy the new one. Although papa know I have money. Thank you papa, you always want make me feel happy and that phone I will keep it as the last thing you give it to me.