Welcome August | I wish More Stronger

Dear diary, time so fast actually, July already end a few days ago and now already August. I know I can't control my time and I also won't waste my time as well. I have many dreams and many futures will make my life is getting better and better. I know this time I got stuck in small island, Bintan Island in Tanjungpinang - Indonesia. I already try to get better life but almost a month here I don't get any luck. A few days ago, I went to one website and I got information about teaching children and I got schedule to interview and I went there with my little brother, got lost a few times and finally I found that place, but it was small and the students just a few people. So, I cancel to meet the principle. 

Dear diary, I know I can work anywhere I want but this time I just want stay a longer in here with my mum. Because mum need me, although I am not good kid but I am trying to make my mum happy, at least just a simple thing I can do. This time I don't have any projects and I already try to contact a few friends I know them as well but nothing happened. Ups, silly me, I don't know either if they can help me to find new project. I really broke and my zero account is ZERO. I don't have any money again. Everything is GONE and NO JOBS offer me this time, no single project I got since I moved to this island. So different when I am in Jakarta but I won't complain about my life.

I know diary, sometimes the circle life is in up and down. I just want temporary job, I won't permanent jobs, actually I did rejected a few jobs I got and now not single job offer to me. Small island with zero opportunity, I can be CRAZY. Poor me right, I don't know, no idea also in my mind, no desire, because I know here place no opportunity for ME... here I just spend my time at home, I wish this month will have miracle to my life. I believe in God and sometimes I consider if God will beside me and help me out from this problems...

Dear diary, I am not lie, sometimes it feel so painful. I always get a lot of money and have some money on my account and this time NOTHING. I really broke, I look like the bird which it broken wings, can't fly and just stay in small place and try to survive. I know in this island I never get lucky. I have some connecting friends but I won't use it, because I don't like to make my soul "sell" 

Dear diary, if God here.... I wish HE will heard my problems life and I realize I seldom pray from the bottom of my heart and when I said about sermon 2 weeks ago, I don't have passion and motivation to talk. I really like the such a liar and try to give them good advice about God words but that is not for me at all, I looked like the silly woman stand up in front people without believing what I say to them. I am not confidence like a few time ago when say about God words. So stupid I am, actually!!!!

Dear diary, I wish this month I more stronger then July and I have faith about my life will be better, I know next summer my future dream become real. I hope it and I have to faith God never leave me alone and I have a lot of time to learning and make new book and find freelance job as writer or content writer in this small island. I hope so, I know this time my heavy life come to me and I should say THANK YOU because many problems around me and I should find the way to get out from the messy life inside my soul and my life. My time so precious to be sadness time. I have a lot of time to writing and also improve my english and learn new language Netherland, So I am happy person and I also have wonderful mum in the world, She allow me to spend a lot of time to writing and learning, as long as I can manage my time to help her too. God, I am sorry because I become a silly woman in a few months and also the heavy life when papa pass away and I really lost my way and I wish I will find my way and please don't leave me alone and please make my soul get strong and stronger in every time I breath.