Hard Life The Past and Hope Good The Future

We never can stop time which always change every time, every second, minute, hour, day, week, month and also year. But we can remind what we do in the past and bring the new in the future.  If every body know the future, that is lucky one but every body know about their past. Almost 99 persen people in the world hope they will have good life in the future and forget about the past.

I just realize, sometimes every new year I make evaluation about what the year end and what I want in the new year, including my ambition and so on to remind me and make me spirit to rise something in last year to be real in the next year. Almost a few years I don’t do that because little busy and also no good network sometimes to writing on my blog.

Let’s see what Happened in 2014

In this year (2014) I lived in Jakarta and have good job, although I don’t like get permanent job. I just change jobs because I just took the temporary contract. It was like 6 months contract and so on. I do every try in some companies there, small and also large. I got good salary although that was not much but better if I compare with my roommate. I was lucky in that year. I also got new friends and feeling so like in ‘heaven’.  But make that feeling just temporary only, but that is life. Sometimes up and down. The most the lucky, I spent more than a month to travel in some place in East Java, Bali and Lombok. That was so amazing and I feel so lucky in this year.

I will never forget this year.

Something Happpened on 2015

How about last year on 2015? I can say this was bad year happened in my life. I really don’t like to remind it. I got a good job but I rejected because the contract was not into me to do that. Many good job this year offer to me but I was trouble in the contract and I just focus to writing something about my experience on traveling. I did finish it but …… I won’t shared that here :p you can’t guess it I guess or I hope lol. On June, I got bad news. Papa was passed away and I got confused, should I go home or not. The last minute I should go home and come in Tanjungpinang and I got stuck in this small city!

How was my feeling? Broken, sadness, deep sadness!!!!!!!!!!!! I never won’t papa leave me so fast like this! I won’t but I can’t make papa live again, I can’t cry as the way I was. I just feel this was just night mare. It just night mare, before this happened! I told papa about good news and papa feel so happy about the secret (I am sorry I can’t tell it here because I won’t get it mess in the future. I just will tell when it happened sooner I hope so). Papa feel so happy and excited with that day but papa never see it happened in my life.

Every night I was crying, why papa leave me alone. No one can support me again, no one can hear my problem! I can’t talk with mum because already a few years we always different option and I don’t like to make argument about all stuff with mum.

On 2015 I also spend a lot of days in December of course for baking and no time for me to writing or relaxing, but I was happy either because I can experience some recipes. I wish sooner I can shared in here for free, no sell for ebook lol. Ah, I also never joint contest writing (online writing) and I got the runner up in the second position. I wish will better in the future.

My birthday celebrate on this year so pitty, I never forget to celebrate alone in the middle of night, exactly on 00.00 I bought small cake and wait that time then take selfie picture. I feel so empty because no papa (of course never has papa in midnight make a wish) but feel papa passed away make me feel no spirit to celebrate it, no make a wish altough my tradition still must go on (it just my own tradition since I worked in Batam), all family (sister, brothers, mum and brother in law come to my room and then celebrate it) altough I feel happy but the other side I didn’t feel happy. Ah that was so hard life for me, but finally this year (2015, red) end actually.

Welcome 2016

What I want to do in this year?

My list on this year

1. Never stop to writing many topics

2. Learn how to draw cartoon to make my own ilustration children book

3. Being something special on summer

4. Keep learning English

5. Still never give up to llearn Dutch (altough in 2015 after papa pass a way I never learn it no more)

6. Never give up make experiment in the kitchen

 7. Read the Bible (because after papa pass away I rarely read Bible, actually my papa never stop read Bible every day. He always reminds me to pray and read Bible to more close to God).

 8. I should diet and keep health always

9. Be more patient to mum

10. Find temporary project or get a lot of projects (If you wonder why I won’t get permanent job because ……………… I am sorry I told you dear loyal reader friends on diary citra I can’t shared you here, until it being real and I hope sooner on summer).

Finally this year come and change the bad year in my life. I also don’t know what my future will bring to me. Because I am still not the lucky one who know the future! I just wish this year will better then all the past years. I wish this year my dream (real dream) will be come true sooner. Thanks to be my loyal readers, altough I know seldom to make comment on blogs but the visitor every days and weeks always get high and high. Altough it just my journal personal and some was not important to read. Because I am one of support go green. No much papers to use it if having free blog. Actually in this time, I also want to say Thank You to Blogger which never stop to make this free. Goodluck and success always for all you, special to people who love to visit my blogs. God bless you all and I. Let’s shining altough has storm in around us

I never be old to read book

Read Books make me young

I love read many books

It make me know anything

@citrapandiangan